Chickens and Freedom (Part I)

There is an old principle of data analysis that goes something like this: A datum can only be evaluated by a datum of comparable magnitude.

One cannot compare an idea or piece of information in a vacuum. It means nothing.

Keeping chickens in Racine is one such example. It has been evaluated all by itself with the usual unreliable result.

There is no perfect animal. Oh, you will hear such terms as “the perfect pet.” But I can assure you, despite all claims to the contrary, there exists no such entity.

And unfortunately for my friend the chicken, it has been compared to that imagined apparition of perfection — resulting in that great, time honored activity, which all men at some time feel the need to participate: the Witch Hunt.

But instead of pinning the chicken to a wall to take shots at it, if we compare it some another animal — which I intend to do here —we get a different perspective of this fine productive Creature of God.

For my subject of comparison I shall choose the prince of pets, that paragon of virtue and bravery, touted by many as “man’s best friend:” the dog.

The dog, a fine animal, does bring with it a tiny tote of baggage, a miniscule set of imperfections that I shall peruse now.

Dogs have been known to carry the disease called rabies. This disease can cause a dog to become aggressive and vicious, lose its sensibilities, revert to the source of its lineage (the wolf), and actually attack men. Being endowed with a fine set of teeth, a dog’s bite can then quickly pierce a man’s skin, leaving him a recipient of that disease and in threat of his life.

But worse, dogs have been known to maul children, even killing them in a seeming loss of domestic sensibilities.

Dogs have been known to depart the domain of its master and run loose in packs through residential neighborhoods committing such atrocities as attacking benign, caged chickens.

Dogs can contact lice and fleas, bringing them home to infest the domiciles of their human masters, rendering the habitat uncomfortable if not unlivable to its keeper.

Dogs defecate in huge piles that would leave a chicken marveling at the productive capacity of such a bowel system.

When in pursuit of its necessary exercise, a male dog will leave virtually no vertical structure un-anointed of its holy urine.

Most owners find their pet dog too unpredictable to take it for a walk in any area moderately occupied by humans without it being attached to a leash.

High pitched noises, barely audible by humans, can send a dog howling in a manner often painfully miserable to people in its surroundings.

Dogs have been known to bark in such duration and volume as to leave nearby humans virtually insensible.

But these imperfections in the dog are minor concerns of the general population. Why? Because we are familiar with dogs. Dogs and their liabilities have been part of the culture of Racine since before its inception.

We all know that with a little effort these “dangerous beasts” can be reasonably controlled and tolerated.

When compared to the dog in such traits as domestication, adaptation, defecation, urination, infestation, regression, and terrorization, the chicken actually fares pretty well.

I feel confident in asserting that during that last century had we in Racine kept chickens in the numbers and diversity with which we have dogs, we would find the chicken as acceptable, even more acceptable, than the dog.

The chicken, after all, at least pays its own way.